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  • Kaetlyn Osmond

Triggers




Which songs brings you memories? Are they good ones? Bad ones? Mixture of both?


Walking down a street you’ve walked down before, do you get deja vu?


Watching a movie or reading a book, does it make you connect your life to it?


When you get your tarot cards read, who comes to your mind when certain things are said?


The world is surrounded by things that trigger our emotions. I know for me, everything and anything will pull me back to a memory or an emotion. Some random, some special, some I wish I didn’t have to remember.


The strongest trigger for me is music. It started by hearing a song that I have skated to before. Either a song that I competed to, a song I skated in a show to, or a song that was playing while I waited to compete.


Johnny Be Good, by Judas Priest, will always remind me of being eleven and twelve years old. Competing in Newfoundland in a freezing cold rink for the last time. Whipping my ponytail, flicking my hands, and winking at the judges.


Human, by Christina Perry, will always remind me of competing for the first time after breaking my leg. Desperate for people to understand that I was human and imperfect. More desperate for myself to understand that.


Girl on Fire, by Alicia Keys, will always make me smile. Hearing it, singing along to it, right before I won my first National title.


Music has since been memories for my life off the ice. Hearing songs that became “Our Songs,” the ones that reminded me that I found love for the first time. Other songs that I’ve witnessed love right in front of me. Songs that have also brought sad, internal feelings — you know the ones that feel like they are speaking directly to you.



Greatest Love Story, by LANCO, will always have a special place in my heart. So happy I had the chance to see that performed live.


Speechless, by Dan + Shay, will always bring me back to a friends wedding. Watching them dance as husband and wife in front of so many of their friends and family. Watching them forget everyone was there. The love between them radiated through the room.


Thursday, by Jess Glynne, spoke to me when I was feeling most lost. Feeling imperfect, feeling broken. Knowing instantly it was something I needed to perform to. Tell the world my internal story.


Okay, enough about music. There are too many for that. But something that I’ve noticed myself doing in the last couple years is connecting places I’ve been with memories of what happened in those places.


Take arenas for example: I know there is a rink in Toronto that had a hole in the ceiling from my heel for a long time. I know that in Mississauga, I watched my first national level competition and where I won my first National title. I know there is an arena on the other side of the world where I fell up the stairs on the way to the change rooms — thankfully nobody saw that.



Walking down the street in which I’ve once walked with friends. I remember those and I start smiling like an idiot for no reason. I love travelling with friends and family because those experiences stick in my brain more often that if they weren’t there.


The only thing to be careful on, is triggers can affect you positively and negatively. You don’t want to remember that song that causes pain and loss to take over your body. The things that make you smile, surround yourself with that. The pictures, songs, walks, that brings the joy and giddy feelings to you. Release the negative energy of the things that hurt you. Until you find a way to reverse that feeling, don’t torture yourself. Life is about change and growing; continuously moving towards your personal happiness. You can’t find that life without the things that cause you pain, but you don’t need to keep those around, holding you down. The negative experiences are there to teach you what happiness feels like, what love feels like.



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