I Miss Me | No More
I miss me. The old me. The happy me. The bright me. The smiling me. The laughing me. The gone me.
Those are words I’ve heard myself say for a while. I’ve talked to people I’ve recently met and have said, “I wish you met me a few years ago.” Telling them I was so much more fun. So much lighter. So much more positive and often felt like I had a glowing aura of confidence surrounding me.
So yeah, I do miss that person. It was so much easier being that person. She had a purpose and dreams.
When I saw those words written in front of me on my phone, something clicked in my head. The old me is not who I am today. I’ve gotten older. I’ve experienced so much more. People have come in and out of my life and left an imprint on my soul. Some friends came back from the past. Some friends were only around for a short time. Either way, friends have expressed opinions and engraved knowledge in my mind. Some that I appreciated, some that was bittersweet, and some that purely just made me angry. Though every single thing that I’ve experienced and heard is what kept me growing and what keeps me moving. It’s built my character and released parts of me that I never knew existed.
So yeah, I might not be who I was. I might not be as smiley or laugh near as much. I might not exude confidence and I might be a bit darker around the edges. I have to fight my emotions more and I might be a lot more unpredictable. But all of this means I am growing! The emotions I feel have just been expanded. They’ve reached new highs and in turn felt the new lows.
Because of my new emotional depth, I can tap into memories of happiness and pain and create movement and tell stories with a deeper connection. My hope is that people who see what I write or see me in shows, can understand that my emotions are deeply connected to these stories and they will feel that. My goal is that people can take my experiences and connect them to their lives… maybe I can make an imprint on your life the way others have imprinted on mine.
Missing the old me is putting myself on hold. Not allowing me to grow. Not allowing me to feel the life that we are given. Pain and struggle is the only way to find true happiness and power. I’ll never discover who I am if I am scared to jump into situations that make me feel uncomfortable or things that might be a little risky.
So from this day forward, and I hope others are with me on this, I am going to stop missing the old me. Appreciate who that person was and the experiences she’s brought to my life, but take what I’ve learnt and apply it to the person I am becoming. I am going to be the bright, happy, smiling, and laughing person again some day, but it isn’t going to be the old me. She isn’t gone. She hasn’t vanished. She is still strong. But she is ready to grow and never hold back. She is ready to jump at every opportunity with all of her soul invested.
Why hold back? Yes, it might protect your heart, but you are always stronger than you think you are. Your heart isn’t as fragile as you think. It might feel like people are pulling and ripping it apart, but you will always be strong enough to piece it back together. You’ll never experience all that life has to offer if you are too scared live it!
Make me a promise and be all that you can be. I’ll try and do the same.